soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
