With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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