Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize