i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
