I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
