Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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