Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize