i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
