ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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