but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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