Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
