It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
