He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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