plz talk dirty to me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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