I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I got inside last night via doggy door
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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