my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
