First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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