if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
