I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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