This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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