it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She even gives head with a lisp.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
