I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
