She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I've blown a few things in my day
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
