Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
