my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
