yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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