Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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