i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
