could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
