I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
