tell your sister to shave her snatch
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
