I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
