id be glad to
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
