Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
