I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
