And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
