Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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