3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
