mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
