In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
