Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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