i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just forgot I was standing up.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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