would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
