Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
