READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
