I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
