I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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