So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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