I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
