she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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