I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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