Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
