Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
