that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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