I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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