Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
