There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize