i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
