no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
