on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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