I love black thongs
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
