Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
