my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
love makes seman taste better
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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