I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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