11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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